something weird.

something weird.

i was thinking about this multiple times the past few days and i’m not really sure how to explain this, among other unexplainable things. but for my own sake and maybe the interest of you, i’ll try my best. 

but there’s something strange, chilling, eerie, if you will….about relating to songs deeply. I guess there are so many songs out there that we can easily relate to, but there are a few songs that i can listen to that hit my heart and like squeeze it; go straight to my soul. that sounds so over-dramatic but when it happens, it’s just this weird kind of a pleasant heartache. Maybe its just me who experiences weird things like this or maybe you’ll understand. Words like “pour a little salt, we were never here/ cut out all the ropes and let me fall” from skinny love. or “the freckles in our eyes are mirror images and when we kiss they’re perfectly aligned.” They just impact me strongly to be real brief about all of this.

and i get the same feeling when i find someone who gets me. who understands me and doesnt have to try to understand. someone who just seems to be on the same wavelength as me. Maybe its because the two situations of song lyrics and people are so rare to find. Maybe its because I’m just a weird person who thinks too deep into things. Who knows.

its weird having someone appreciate you drunk or sober, someone who will text you all day and ask you to hang out with them, someone who gives you stupid nicknames, someone who tells you they like you, and like spending time with you. especially since every other time its been with someone whos in it for the sex or is drunk or ignorant.

i’ve never enjoyed laying next to someone so much as i do you. its nice.

last night i was listening to Bon Iver and i just started to wonder why i like the music i listen to. because generally the instrumentation of the bands i like is pretty sweet and you can tell theres a lot of talent and thought behind it. but not all the bands i listen to/like have that. sometimes theyre just simply guitar and piano and voice and maybe drums. 

and Justin Vernon’s voice is really unique, so much that i can see why a lot of people would be like “why am i listening to this?” and the lead singer of typhoon is the same way. they have really weak sounding voices. so maybe i like that coffee shop sound. but then there are people like ben kweller, and barefoot truth and ben folds.

and the random pop songs that i like singing to on the radio. the 80s tunes that never get old. the beatles. classic rock. 90s rock. all completely different from anything i said above. it just has me thinking why. 

this has been a dumb post by courtney

I have the messiest of messy hair, i burp a lot, i’m extremely sarcastic, moody, rude, i listen to some pretty weird music, i’m not very talented at one thing in particular, i work at a greasy fast food restaurant, and do a lot of weird things and on that particular day nothing was different except that i was talking to insects trying to get them to be friends with each other and when i dropped you off after you must have been turned on by all my weird quirks in some way or you wouldnt have leaned in and kissed me, right?

and a couple days later i’m still thinking about later that night before i had to go to work and how you i’ve been particularly happy talking to you and i want you to come back tomorrow so we can hang out some more and i’m thinking about how if you knew i was even thinking this you’d be like yup nevermind she’s crazy

and then i’m like, fuck it court, because i can’t be like this again or i’ll just fuck myself over in the end, again. so i’ll just try and keep it cool whatever goodnight

For all good reasons a change is coming, a change is coming for all good reasons now

from the archives of buzzword

Only a number of hours separates me from the serenity and silence of  
the moon,
And the necessity to function while the sun’s rays shine through a  
classroom window.
Eyes shut tight for most as I lay awake,  pondering what will come.

Mind functions better now than it does when it’s needed,

But this doesn’t disappoint me.

A whole new spectrum of thoughts implanted, as if by God.
The breeze of cold air circulates the darkened room.
Tonight, I feel free. Lost in deep thought. I feel free.
Hope nothing will pull me out.
Yet, fully aware the sun will make his appearance soon;

When he does, I’ll leave this comforting room,
And wait for the sun to brighten my morning, and warm my days.
You, are my sun.

as the wind symphony concert approaches i’m getting a little sad…a lot of sad, because gloria used to come to these concerts with my parents. everyone does. i have the hugest support team, my parents, grandparents, and friends’ parents always come just to listen and see me for two minutes afterwards. how great is that? but gloria cant come so it breaks my heart a little because this is the first actual reminder that she isnt with us anymore.

but other than her always being in the back of my mind, i’ve been okay lately. it’s been a good couple of weeks. i’m more carefree and i’m practicing a lot, as always, and working hard every weekend, as always. i’m in a comfortable friendly place with noah, or at least i think so. and i’ve been talking to people who have a good outlook on life, who live in a lot less stress, and it’s almost in a way, influenced me, or guided me to not dwell on the small things. 

i still go to big band feeling like i shouldnt be playing saxophone and i still freak out before my lessons, and i cant really sight sing, and my piece isnt where i want it to be, but right now, i’m okay with all of that and i’m working to get my mental state better. Tim Atherton even said it was nice to see me smiling lately.

i love my sister and my family so much more than anything in this world.  i dont know what id be or where or who id be without them.